If you are a fan of the young lady I affectionately still call “Lil Penny”… you may call her Janet Damita Jo Jackson… I would suggest you start saving up more than the $9.99 you thought you were going to need to cop her new album “Discipline” next Tuesday. Oh she’s going to need you to buy a few copies…a minimum of 3-5 for you core Janet Jackson fans that have been complaining and crying that Janet’s been getting blackballed ever since she exposed her areola to millions of (white) people at the Superbowl!

It hurts me deep in my soul…in my loins…to have to say this, but Janet is on the fast track to catching herself a brick next week! I’m not talking about a “bad for Janet” brick…no those days are over! Not even a Ashanti…or a Amerie brick. I’m talking about….like a Blu Cantrell brick! A Kelly Rowland brick! Like an Oliva pre-GUnit brick! One of those bricks that will have Janet touring in a play with Malik Yoba.

Listen…Little Penny will always have a special place in my heart. I can’t look back on my childhood without reminiscing about almost getting shot when we went to see “Poetic Justice.” How could anyone forget the black and white poster where you WISHED you could one day be lucky enough to be those hands!

But do you know what year that was…that was 1993! That was 15 years ago. To give you a little more context… anyone closing in on 30 was in the 8th grade!

After the glory years of 1993, she went through a phase where about 85% of her songs were pretty much only about touching herself, which is fine…lawd knows I wasn’t complaining. You want to try some new things…so be it. Touch yourself…who am I to judge! And that “Velvet Rope” album…it led to some quality nekkid time in college…and I appreciated that.

But, you would think that 15 years after the glory years, Lil Penny would have at some point realized that “people my age…they just aren’t as freaky as me…maybe I should keep all that to myself!” The original Janet Jackson Fan….and I mean the “Control,” “Pleasure Principle” Janet Fan…they don’t need to hear about the sexual escapades of you, JD, and all the backup dancers. That’s not motivating them to drop $9.99 at Best Buy. Your music’s too fast to dance to on the Tom Joyner Cruise! They have arthritis and a bad hip Lil Penny….how about you slow the hell down!

And the young people she’s gearing her music too for some reason …they don’t know who the hell a Janet Jackson is. Try telling at 17 year old how great Bobby Brown was, try it! They will frustrate the hell out of you! They don’t know that Bobby Brown. All they know is the high, yet always entertaining, version we all see today. These are the same kids that think BRANDY is old school! And guess what…she is too!

Unfortunately, Janet refuses to realize that “guess what…I’m 40!” She’s dumb sexy for 40, don’t get me wrong. But a 40 year old lady in spandex, crawling on a planet in a video…I’m not moved! And either is my Momma!

I love Lil Penny…I really do. And I really don’t want her to catch a Blu Cantrell. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone…not even Blu Cantrell. So for one week…on this Tuesday….let’s not focus on Obama, we need to focus on Little Penny!!!

Will I be buying “Discipline”….what are you drunk? I found my cassette tape of “Rhythm Nation” just last week. I’m good baby!

Bari the Beautiful

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This entry was posted on Thursday, February 21st, 2008 at 12:18 am and is filed under Comedy, Editorial.